February Happiness Project - My Daughter

February is dedicated to my baby girl. She turns 2 on Valentine's Day. This month, I will focus on her and ways to show her I love her and actions for me to be a better mom. She is only this age for such a short time. I have to live in the NOW and see her now. I don't want to look back and have her childhood be mommy playing on the computer instead of with her.

How will focusing on my daughter make me happier? Mommy guilt gets the best of me when I know I haven't been the best mom. Even though I know she is having fun playing at the house, she still wants mommy to play. When my daughter smiles or laughs her uncontrollable laugh,  it makes my day. It is impossible for your heart not to smile when she is dancing the "Hot Dog Dance" or doing the dance Daisy Duck does in the talent show on the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. The days I feel like I accomplish the most are days when she is happy, we have minimal meltdowns, and maybe the house is still messy and no one bathed, but she has the biggest smile and goes to sleep thinking of all the fun we had.

While we were in New Orleans, we visited the children's museum, they had a quote on the wall I loved so I called back to get it because I forgot to take a picture of it. The author is unknown so I don't know who to give credit to but I put it on my favorite picture of my hubby and our baby girl last year on her very first trip to the Nashville Zoo.

A closer view of the quote because my picture isn't enlarging like I want.

I tried to teach my child with books.
He gave me only puzzled looks.

I tried to teach my child with words.
They passed him by often unheard.

Despairingly, I turned aside.
"How shall I teach this child?" I cried.

Into my hand he put the key
"Come," he said, "play with me." 

--Author Unknown

So what are my Happiness Project goals for this month?

1. Sing in the morning 
     
2. Play kitchen every day. (Or whatever is her favorite thing at the time.)
 
3. Make her laugh uncontrollably daily.

4. Plan a monthly adventure. 

5. Do fun crafts monthly (weekly when time allows). 
     
6. Not put computer time, especially Facebook, ahead of her. 

7. Say prayers with her.
   




I owe you an update on my happiness project from January. It did not go as well as I hoped. To date: I have gained weight instead of lost, I haven't set a schedule, I have decluttered a tiny bit, I haven't worked on self-esteem, I haven't don't most of the things I said I would. But each day is a new day and I'm still working.

How are you doing with your resolutions or happiness projects?

Why Mother's Day Out Makes Me a Better Mom

Things have changed in our world today. We know longer live right down the road from family. Growing up, I was surrounded by family. I had family at every corner of the small Louisiana town we lived in. We actually lived farther away than most of the family and it took us a whole whopping 7 minutes at most to get to my grandparents house. But now, our closest family members on my side are 9 hours away and on the hubby's side, the closest is 10 hours.

I love living in Nashville and I have never looked at living away as an issue. But when we had our daughter, all of a sudden, I could see where family could come in handy, especially when you have a husband who travels for a living. There are days where I was struggling a lot that first year and could have used someone to just come and sit with Abbey Grace so maybe I could take a shower and wash my 5 day old dirty hair. Or maybe, go grocery shopping alone!

Last Spring, in the midst of running my business, the hubs being gone on the road for a tour, and having my toddling 1 year old, I reached a breaking point. I decided maybe I should look into this Mother's Day Out thing. Maybe it could be what I was needing.

I googled Mother's Day Out in Nashville and there were a gazillion! I found two close to me and inquired about price and days of the week. As soon as I hung up, I cried and cried. I am a stay at home mom. How could I not handle my daughter? This is what I have always wanted. Why do I feel like I need a break from her? What kind of mom am I? And now I am going to pay someone to watch her when that is my job? Also, I knew the comments I had made about my friend who took her kids to daycare on her day off so she could clean the house...Why would she not want to spend time with them? That was April 2012.

I decided not too because I should be able to do this. I should be able to take care of the house, work at the hospital a couple days a month, run my cloth diaper business, and run my CPR business, all why maintaining my sanity and being the best mom ever. Also, I hated to cost us more money. I was up for the challenge...

Then summer happened. Summer is one of the busiest times of year for my husbands work. Concerts are in full swing and there are some long weeks of traveling in there. I realized not only was I not super mom, I was struggling with the most basic things. I was so stressed with everything that I wasn't enjoying the things I should. I wasn't taking our girl to the park or the zoo. We weren't having playdates. Each day, I hated the mom I was. I needed a break. I needed something. I needed help.

So I called the Mother's Day Out programs again. I toured two of them and they were both awesome. Our girl loved both and wasn't shy and went right in and played with toys and even jumped in and played cars with one group in the gym. I got in the car and cried but knew we had to give it a shot. I chose the one that felt right for us and two weeks later she started "school."

What is Mother's Day Out (MDO)?
They are mostly run by churches (at least in our area). The children have free playtime, do crafts, outside play/gym play, learn letters, numbers, shapes, take naps, and eat with their friends. They are typically between 3-6 hours and some offer before and after care so you can extend the day. They are usually 2-5 days a week.

The program we chose is from 8:45-2:15. We also started with 2 days a week and now we are at 3. Let me tell you, these have become the most precious and sanity-saving 5 hours of my day. All of a sudden I had 10 hours a week without having to stop a toddler from climbing on something or putting something in her mouth. Someone commented to me, "well what do you get out of it, you can't work during that time..." (I'm a nurse in my other life and that requires 12 hour shifts usually.) Well, no, nice person trying to ruin my day, I can't work a normal shift at the hospital but I can clean my house (I know...I ate my words), go grocery shopping without a crying baby,  go to doctors appointments, teach a CPR class, get my hair cut, take a much needed nap, blog, and clean my house. Now I don't do that all in one day but I can spread it out.

As far as our little girl goes, she loves every second of it. I never knew how social she was because we aren't around other children except for the occasional birthday party. She loved her friends, getting to color, getting to run and play in the playhouse with her friends. I never realized how much children need social interaction with children their own age.

So when mommy picks her up from "school" as we call it, she is so happy to babble away at what she did that day or show me the craft she made. And now, I am not stressed about my huge to do list. I have knocked a few things off and can take time to have a tea party or hide under a fort or play baby dolls. I might have missed 15 hours with her but now, the time I have with her is better spent and I am better because I am less stressed.

So, if you are on the fence and feeling guilty about being a SAHM and needing help, don't. You will be a better mom for it. I am so thankful for the program she is in! Knowing my sweet girl is having a blast while I do the mundane (and sometimes fun) things that are required by adult life, I don't feel guilty for not paying attention to her.

I'm learning that mommy guilt is there for any decision you make. Do what is best for you and your family right now.

What is your favorite part of having alone time?

Mommy Guilt Coaster

Last week was a crazy week. One minute I was up and the next I was down. And then add Mommy Guilt in the mix and it was the craziest roller coaster week ever.

We found out we had a couple grand in needed expenses. Then I got offered a job. Down. Up. Mommy Guilt.

I got offered a great job that seemed perfect for me. But in two days, I had to give them an answer, find childcare for my daughter, take a class the next week, and start teaching the next. It seemed crazy but it seemed possible.

I had so many emotions going through my head. I was looking for a sign. I thought I had had one with the job offer a day after I learned of some great expenses.

All the while, I had mommy guilt going on. If I go back to work I am putting work ahead of her. If I don't let her get to know other kids in daycare she is missing out. Oi Vay! No matter what I chose, I felt like I was losing or messing up someone else's life!

Any other moms experience that? I know you have.

I wish there was a a magic button to see which is the correct answer to your situation but there isn't.

I received 3 really good pieces of advice during that week, especially over the job option.

1. What is the right thing for your family situation today, next year, but today, with everything as it is?

2. Which option would you regret the most if you had to choose at this moment? Missing out on the job or missing out on moments with AG (my daughter).

3. Go with your gut.

It all came down to AG.

(I know a ton of moms who work and they are incredible women and I know that they love their kids more than life itself. So I am NOT saying that they chose wrong. They chose what works best for them.)

My thoughts that week were: I should show her a mom can work and still keep up with things at the house even though I don't keep up with things at the house now. I had the whole fall planned for us and now I have to cancel it. My hubby works away a lot so when he is home, I would be working. But then I would have an income. I could help pay for the debt I incurred for my business.

But I couldn't find childcare that wasn't more than our house note and that I trusted that had the hours we needed (at the time). Maybe I will find the perfect childcare soon. I just didn't have it when I needed it. I would regret putting her in a childcare I wasn't one hundred percent happy with. And that was my gut feeling.

I was sad about missing out on the job but at peace with the decision I made.

I hate when life gets in the way of life...but that's life, huh?!

What are some mommy guilt stories you have?